


High Holy Strangeness

by Baixue1988



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghosts, Ghost Sex, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Post-Canon Fix-It, Rey gets haunted by the horny force ghost of her dead goth bf, TRoS Spoilers, The Force Ships It, yet another TROS fixit fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:14:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21862765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baixue1988/pseuds/Baixue1988
Summary: After the victory over Palpatine's forces, Rey finds herself feeling at peace with her new life on Tatooine. In fact, she thinks it's kind of strange just how content she is, given everything that's happened. She doesn't even feel lonely.But the stillness of the aftermath is about to be broken, and she's about to realise just how far from lonely she really is.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 11
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

The first thing she notices is that she doesn’t truly grieve for Ben. She mourns him, but in a quiet, private, almost detached way. There is no wailing, not even very much weeping. It’s strange; in the year following Crait, she would have horrible nightmares from which she woke up screaming. Nightmares of Ben dead, his body cold and alone in some forgotten grave, imprisoned forever behind the mask of Kylo Ren. On those nights she would be tempted to reach out and prod at him through the Force, just to be sure that what she’d dreamt hadn’t been a vision of reality.

Now that it’s happened, though, Rey only sheds a few tears. It almost makes her feel guilty. Doesn’t he deserve more than that? Doesn’t he deserve her rending her garments and tearing her hair like new widows do back on Jakku, or wearing funereal black?

(And it does not, in those moments, occur to her that she has compared herself to widows.)

But the overwhelming grief she had always expected never really comes. She waits for it to arrive, as if awaiting a long-expected and important guest, but it never shows its face.

Rey isn’t sure what to do with that. Her grief for her parents had been a constant presence in her life. By the time Han died, she had become well practiced in keeping it on a leash. Grief was something she had learned to tame so that it would not – could not – overwhelm her and prevent her from doing what she needed in order to survive. It was a dangerous animal that might rip her to shreds, so she had mastered the skill of keeping it at bay.

But now that beast in her heart is absent, as if it evaporated right along with Ben’s body. And it’s fully gone, too: there are no faint growls for her parents or muted snarls for Han, and there is nothing whatsoever for Ben.

The dark corners of her mind where it used to lurk have fallen silent, and that is what unnerves her, adding to the sense that something has gone sideways.

Is she doing something wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

The second thing she notices is that she doesn’t miss him, at least not in the way she’d been missing him. Shutting out the beckoning of the Bond had left her feeling as if something inside her was severed, and she found herself wishing more than anything that she could return to telling him about her deepest feelings, the things she never dared to voice to anyone before him. She had sometimes tried to talk to Finn, Poe, or even Chewie, but none of them seemed able to understand what she was trying to say. Leia, she had found, had understood a bit better, but there were some thoughts which were too painful to share with even her.

As hard as it was to stop talking to Ben, other aspects of missing him had proven even harder. On warm nights when she felt the suns inside her burning so hot she thought she could light her whole bed on fire, she would put one hand over her mouth and shove the other between her legs, trying to burn herself out as fast and quietly as possible. She’d done this before on Jakku of course, but now she could only think of Ben, his eyes locked on hers, the heat of his body, the region between his legs which she already knew, in some vague way, would perfectly compliment her own.

On nights like that, moreso even than the nights where she awoke screaming from bad dreams, she would work hard to resist the urge to reach out and ignite their Bond. What was even harder were the times she was close, so close, standing on the precipice, and suddenly she would feel _him_ reaching out from _his_ end, knocking ever-so-gently on the door to her mind.

She had never let him in. She had pushed herself over the edge alone every time. When she would lie there in her cooling sheets, wetness drying on her hand and thighs, she would miss him the most - and be both relieved and regretful that she hadn’t answered his knock.

But now that he is gone, well and truly gone, she doesn’t miss him at all. There is no ache of longing, no sense that her heart might rip from her chest if she can’t hear or see or smell or touch him as soon as possible. Perhaps it packed up and left with her grief-beast.

At first, she assumes it’s because her new home is quite full nowadays. In fact, she has almost forgotten the feeling of loneliness altogether. With a simple breath, she can step into a circle of her peers, embracing around her through the endless folds of time, ready to offer advice and comfort and even simple companionship. Rarely a day goes by when she does not see, out of the corner of her eye, a Jedi from ages past – or perhaps even two or three. Sometimes they are simply smiling as they watch her, other times they are engaged in conversation with one another, but they are never very far away and they always greet her with a boundless love that echoes to her bones. The tiny farmhouse on Tatooine frequently feels quite crowded.

But she still notices that she never sees _him_ in that crowd.

She also notices that this fact causes her no pain whatsoever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I banged these first two out fast, but I'm still working on the rest. Stay tuned and do leave a comment or two with your thoughts!


	3. Chapter 3

The third thing she notices is a breath.

The spectral Jedi are polite enough to give Rey privacy when she sleeps, washes, or goes to the toilet. That, at least, they seem to remember from their physical days. BB-8 generally goes into power-saving mode when she heads to bed and doesn’t boot up again until morning.

In any case, droids don’t breathe.

Her first thought as she wakes is that it’s a draught, but she’s closed the house up tight in preparation for an incoming sandstorm. The air in the room is still, quiet, and cool, but she is certain that she felt a hot breath on her cheek.

Her hand moves to her lightsaber where it lies under her pillow, but she stills herself before leaping straight into attack mode. Nothing – at least not living – is in her room with her. She’s sure of it.

After a long moment, she sits up, pulls her lightsaber out, and ignites it. The dull yellow light illuminates the room, revealing nothing but furniture and her few belongings.  
  
“Come on, Rey, there are no monsters under your bed,” she chides herself – and then checks anyway. She also checks every other nook and cranny of the room. Still nothing.

“Just dreams,” she mutters, and returns to her cot.

It takes a long time for her to get to sleep again. She feels…well, not watched, exactly, but she definitely doesn’t feel alone. Still, she detects no malice or threat whatsoever, and the sensation is incredibly faint to the point that she can barely feel it. Perhaps it’s just one of her regular Force Ghost companions getting a bit nosy.

When she does fall back asleep, she dreams of a warm desert breeze on her skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh things are getting spooky around here! What (or who) could it be?

**Author's Note:**

> At last! I've wanted to write about Rey and Ben for a while, but didn't want to jump the gun before IX was released. Now (for better or worse) it's out, and of course I thought we ought to give this couple the bangin' ending they deserved.
> 
> This was initially intended as one-shot fixit smut, but as I wrote it ended up stretching into something bigger than a one-shot but smaller than a longfic, so I figured I'd divide it into bite-sized individual chapters and publish them as I write, rather than all in one go.
> 
> Do please leave comments to let me hear your thoughts!


End file.
